A pact between lovers. 

So off he goes, the man who has my heart is off to start his next chapter in life. And of course I’m being asked by everyone why. Why is he moving? Why arent you going too? To which I answer “he is off to follow his dreams and be happy” and “I have some things to finish up here where I am, then ill head over too”. Then comes the “wow good on you for being so cool about it” … this particular comment as harmless as it seems has had me thinking so much. I mean really who the fck am I to not support the man I love? Why would I ever want to encourage my best friend to stay in a place and job he hates just for the money? How could I not support his ambitions and dreams? To put it simply I will always strive to treat every person I love the way id expect them to treat me and in this case id expect support encouragement and love so ill give nothing less than that. Its not hard, I don’t deserve admiration, its just what you do right? Too many of us (even me in the past) like to love and support as long as it suits us. As long as it fits in with our plans and life than its easy, but what about when it doesn’t? See loving someone safe is easier especially if we are safe ourselves. But loving some one who is unpredictable and wild is challenging and not everyone can deal with that. The man I love is not safe at all, he is dangerously confident and ambitious. And those same things that excite me about him also scare the absolute shit out of me … he is untameable and if I’m being honest with myself I find that hard to accept at times. Im a control freak! There I said it. And the fact that he has up rooted our safe little bubble and shaken up our life a little inspires the fck outta me but also forces me to grow as my own person too and that is where I found myself at last night. Laying in bed I was confronted with all my ambitions and hopes for my future and I just lay there scared. What if I never figure out what I want to do? What if I never find my purpose? What if I try and I fail? I realised I’m totally not cool about it not even a little! I’m freaking the fck out, and surprise surprise I can’t control everything or predict the future! I wanted so badly to call him and pour my heart out to my best friend but I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t add to his pressures. So I went to sleep. In the morning I woke up and we messaged eachother briefly before he left to fly to his new home and he wrote “I’m nervous, am I doing the right thing…are we doing the right thing?”
And in that moment i breathed a sigh of relief. As awful as that sounds It bought me a strange sense of comfort knowing I wasn’t alone. We were both quietly terrified by the new chapter ahead and last night when all the excitement wore off all that was left was complete fear and that pesky doubt. I realised all I needed was to hear that I’m not alone. So here I sit (for now) as content as you could be knowing your soul mate is on the other side of the country, and all that has changed since last night is that he showed me his vulnerability in turn allowing me to unravel in front of him. We didn’t sugar coat it to one another, we couldn’t. We just embraced the unknown road ahead and made a pact to be there for one another no matter what.
So this is it, the beginning of another new road. A new journey to write about and share with the world.
This is the first piece I have shared in this context , with the pure intention of just sharing because. There is no moral of the story or advice here just me in this moment pondering life and trying to accept and embrace the changes happening


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